My Fitness

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

motherhood is more than a calling

I always discourage people from trying to discern God's will through their feelings. "What do you feel like God is saying to you?" Is not something I would say. I think our feelings are fickle and deceptive. So it's no surprise that for myself I don't "feel" called to motherhood.

Awhile back I was trying to figure out what my calling is and what it will be after my children no longer need me. I was trying to figure out how to use my gifts and talents for God and his glory. I didn't see that I was currently doing that and I wanted to start.

Being a dancer I was trying to think of different outreach avenues I could pursue when I thought of the clever idea of having a ballet pregnancy photoshoot and then auctioning the canvasses to support pro-life organizations or donating them to pro-life pregnancy centers. I contacted a couple of places and they loved the idea! I was excited to finally be of use to the Kingdom!

My husband was initially supportive but for some yet unknown reason has at least become temporarily unsupportive. (EDIT 3/19: turns out he was unsupportive because he thought it was going to cost us money. When he found out that it didn't cost us any money only time, he became supportive again. But now this makes me wonder about the sincerity of what he said next. Maybe he was just trying to say anything to get out of spending money.) And then he said the most shocking thing- he said that I already am using my gifts and talents for the Lord by being a mother and that I'm doing a good job.

This shocked me because he's never told me that he thought I was doing a good job. I had the distinct impression based on his number of criticisms and comments (he says are meant to be helpful. They are actually discouraging) that he thought I was a bad mother. Words are apparently not his gifting.

So this got me thinking about motherhood. On one hand I don't want to be a mother because it ruins my body and my health and takes my freedom. On the other hand, I am a mother and it is my calling so none of the negatives matter. It takes an extremely selfish person to use those reasons to escape motherhood or prevent motherhood. Besides, I do want to be a mother. I enjoy being a mother. I've always wanted to be a mother. I love my children.

Why is motherhood hard sometimes? One reason is because of how selfless I have to be. When I have to teach the same academic or life lesson over and over, it's tiring. It's frustrating. Then I remembered that this is a calling. To better understand this calling and better understand motherhood I had to think of my children as the talents in the Parable that Jesus told. To some he gave one, to some he gave two and others ten. What am I going to do with this investment? I can shirk it and run away in fear. Or I can humbly walk alongside my children in hopes to point them to Christ. When I see my calling as a change of focus from me to what does God need see to do, it helps me see myself better. It makes it easier for me to pour myself out completely.

I may never achieve my dreams if I pursue God's calling on my life. To me that means my desires were not in-line with God's desires. In that case, it is good that I never achieve my dreams. So now I am free to pursue God's dreams for me. I can wipe that nose, clean that mess, prepare that food, and love my children. Ultimately God's calling is not "motherhood" but "disciple maker". That puts everything into focus.

1 comment:

  1. Here's a supporting post from a more reputable source than me: