My Fitness

Friday, October 9, 2015

baby zuzu story

[update below]
I'll try to keep this short! ha! Unlike my labor!

I am very pleased to announce that I am no longer pregnant. Zoë Isabelle was finally born almost a week after her due date after more than a dozen false alarms after a final labor of more than 12 hours.

Zoë's pregnancy was by-far the easiest...until September hit. August was fine but I did have a few weeks where there was a lot of false labor. I posted about it before. The only thing that made this pregnancy worse was all the pain. Every time Zoë kicked it felt much worse - it brought me to tears and even made me empty my stomach a couple of times.

Eventually we figured out she was posterior and once we got her to move to an ideal position, she no longer hurt me when she kicked. But then the false labor really picked up. We showed up at the birthing clinic about a dozen times. There were several more times when we just couldn't tell if labor was real or not and so we stayed home instead of bothering the midwife.

Many people have incorrectly assumed that I have been ignorantly calling these events "false labor" when they are correctly termed "prodromal labor" and insist that these contractions were contributing to something. But while I know the correct term, in my anger I will continue to call them "false" because I am mad at them. They are exhausting. They lasted since before week 35 and I didn't birth until almost week 41. And that day I had waning labor on and off and inconsistent and varying in intensity so the false labor seems to not have helped anything.
Zoë is Simone's first official "catch" as a
midwife student at Inanna Birthing
Center in Denton under Jean Sal

oh wait. It did exhaust me. I am not exaggerating. Exhaustion that led me to think I was dying that day. All my other babies I pushed out in 1-2 pushes, no effort. This baby took forever to come out; she wasn't even my biggest baby; I needed manual help from my excellent midwife; and I just didn't think I could do it. I pushed with all my effort and it just wasn't good enough. My midwife had to manually break my water. She still didn't come for over an hour. My midwife had to manually force me to a 10. She wasn't even my biggest baby and she still took so much effort. I didn't tear. I didn't have any complications. I had the best support team. I had a bossy midwife who knew exactly what I needed to do...I think I told her to shut-up at one point but she has a backbone and was able to handle it. Everything controllable was perfect for such an ungraceful birth.

My older daughter's birth was the epitome of grace and ease. I expected a duplicate experience. It was not. And once I let go of that expectation and allowed myself to be an ungraceful birther, my labor felt much more free.

Once the baby arrived I thought we were good. And for a coupe of days we were. Then suddenly one night I felt a cramping in my gut. I felt for the fundus of my uterus and it was quite low. I went to the bathroom and collapsed in pain. I screamed and screamed for Felipe and he got me and ice pack. That helped enough for me to call my midwife who said to go to the ER.

My pain was localized to my right lower side. So perhaps it was my appendix? But more likely it was a complication with birthing. After five grueling hours at the ER we got exactly no answers. So thank you Presbyterian Hospital Flower Mound for not being helpful. I'm sure you'll charge us appropriately. They are not quick down there. They have a poster on the wall that ironically says, "call don't fall!" but with NO WAY of calling anyone for help. And then the nurses all say "sure I'll do that" and then erase their memories once leaving the room. Thanks, gals. And then the sonographer left me in her office for close to 15 minutes because no one was answering the phone to see if she needed more pictures once she wasn't able to find anything...despite the doctor ordering such pictures. She couldn't see anything wrong and she couldn't see my right ovary. I was so exhausted that night that once we got outside a little gush of wind sent me into some uncontrollable shivers. I was freezing. It was after 3am.

Eventually we made it home. The next morning we went over to a different sonographer who could see my right ovary just fine as well as a huge mass in my uterus that shouldn't be there. To this day we do not know what it was. We hypothesized a succenturiate lobe but now that doesn't seem right since nothing came out that resembled that. It's possible it disintegrated. My midwife gave me some medicine to push stuff out, help with pain, and stop infection. I slept for over 24 hours the next day. Over the weekend things cleared up and at my last sonogram everything looked fine. 

What *I* think happened was that for whatever reason my uterus decided to take 6 weeks worth of shrinkage and condense it down to one day. That amount of change is hard on the body especially after an exhausting labor and delivery and month of false labor. I'm so mad about it all. 

But it's hard to stay mad. My body is fine. The money is all God's anyway and if he chooses to waste it in such a frivolous (in my eyes) way, that's his prerogative. I have to keep reminding myself of that - his money. Not mine. He always provides for us. I do not provide for us. I didn't want to go to the hospital but we needed to be sure it wasn't serious. If God is in control then he knew what would happen and he let it happen that way. Again, he doesn't 
ask my permission on these things. I don't make him answer to me. 

And besides, am I to take the good from the Lord and not the bad as well? Where was I when he laid the foundations of the earth? Who am I to question what God has done? He has never consulted me before acting and I believe he intends to continue in such wisdom.

I only get angry now looking back at the experience. I was very concerned that the amount of anger I had would be transferred to the baby once she arrived but as soon as I saw her, everything was better. The amount of love and joy I have for her melts the negativity away. She is so cute. I was able to bond with her so quickly. Right away! That has not happened. Also, I have no PPD. I think being honest about pregnancy and letting myself be ungraceful during labor really helped me accept things - including the baby. Plus I've been getting a lot of help at home so I can finally sleep. Work has given me unpaid days off and that really helps too. No pressure from them. And the other kids LOVE their new baby! I love watching them with her. 

Having four kids is the best thing ever. Zoë is so awesome. Caleb says he loves having two babies. Micah is always asking to see her and gives her kisses. Holly always wants to hold her. I couldn't be more pleased with my children. 

With my other pregnancies I felt that I shouldn't complain about how uncomfortable I was. After all so many women beg God for even a rough pregnancy. But this pregnancy I allowed myself to complain loud and long. I let myself be honest. I hate pregnancy. I love getting babies at the end. And my hatred of pregnancy won't hinder my openness to future pregnancies. -parents always say they'd do anything for their kids and pregnancy is a small sacrifice for such a huge sanctifying blessing. Bad experiences will draw you closer to God if you let them.

She gets lots of kisses.

I may not ever make it to Ireland or go on a Disney cruise, but that's such a small sacrifice for such a wealth of blessings. I've said many times that if you can't give-up a thing for the rest of you life, then it's probably an idol for you. If I can't turn away from vacations and luxury cars and even my own fit body or my idea of what my life should be, then those are the things keeping me from Christ. I am willing to let those ideas go if it means gaining Christ and Christ loves me too much to spoil me with worldly treasure: idols and mammon. So I embrace my heavenly treasure and thank God for his lavish blessings on my life. I thank God for Zoë.

UPDATE 11/16/15: I called the hospital and told them how horrible the visit was and how they got it wrong. I wanted at least the ultrasound charges dropped. The gal put the request through and instructed me to call back in a few days. Two weeks later I called and the new gal who answered said that the request had strangely not yet been processed and to call back in a few days. I called the next week and this gal let me know that the hospital dropped the ENTIRE bill! So grateful! Thanks, God! Thanks, hospital! I still have the doctor charges, though.

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