Many of you might read this and think, "Of course, he would do that. What kind of a man would not do such things?" And there are many little boys masquerading as men that would go after a woman, give her a baby, and then leave her to continue in his selfish lifestyle of bachelorhood. Many people do not see anything wrong with this - both men and women see nothing at all wrong with this and they continue to live in their unhealthy, hedonistic lifestyle where they always put number 1, themselves, first...even first before their newborn children.
Even in our middle-to-upperclass circle of society, we have many little boys masquerading as men who do a good job at financially providing for their families. But spousal abuses are rampant, whether those abuses be physical, emotional, or vocal. It's sickening to see 40, 50, 60 -year old men treat their wives as if they were incompetent dogs.
But what about those men who do not behave this way? There are women who behave this way. Shame on them. And shame on their husbands for allow such disrespect and cruelty to abide in their homes. An abusive husband is bad, but so is the passive husband who never lovingly corrects his wife. This breaks my heart. When a Christian women decides that her husband is a buffoon, incapable of the simplest tasks, she disrespects him. When he does not speak up and tell her that her actions emasculate and do not honor him nor God, he fails to love her. He has chosen the easy way out.
Felipe has neither this aggressive behavior nor this passive behavior. Instead when I say something wrong, he points it out, without humiliating me and without hurting my feelings. I can say the same to him if he hurts my feelings. He also does not attack me when I do something wrong. He does not blame me for things not within my control. Nor do I do so to him. When I get upset with him, he is quick to love me by humbly correcting my perspective.
Most recently I was reminded how upset I was about trusting certain people with details of our wedding, nearly two years ago now. Why did they claim that they could take care of these things and offer to do them when they very clearly had no knowledge of these fields? I don't know. But Felipe reminds me that he loves me and he hopes that I would marry him despite of ugly flowers or ruined meals. He simply asks, "Did you marry me for a wedding or for a marriage?" And he does not only say, "Get over it." Although that was said, it was followed by helpful words of encouragement that remind me that no party of this size is going to be perfect.
He doesn't get mad at me. He doesn't yell at me. He doesn't force me to do what he wants to do. He talks to me gently. He listens to me and give heed to what I have to say. He doesn't treat me like I'm stupid. I love him and I respect him. I listen to him and follow his lead. I let him take charge of the family and do whatever I can so that he doesn't have to feel a burden from me and the baby.
He does hurt my feelings some times. Once he said something that inadvertently hurt my feelings. Once we were alone, I calmly, without raising my voice, explained that that specific scenario hurt my feelings and I wanted to let him know because I knew that he would not want to do anything that caused me pain. To which he replied, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know." And I said, "I forgive you. I just wanted to let you know." To my mind this is a much better way of handling this type of situation rather than raising my voice, screaming at how DARE he do something to belittle me in front of another human being!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This would have put up his defenses, hurt his feelings, and make me look like an idiot. This is a childish way to bully someone into submission. Whether or not you get a result that you wish, it is done out of fear and loathing not out of love and respect. A marriage based on Christ is a marriage founded on love and respect. Felipe and I have no room here for disrespect and hate. He is my favorite person in the world and I would hate to do anything that would damage who he is.